Soaring Gas Prices Kill San Jose Grand Prix

Running of the Supervisors to Replace Defunct Car Race

Organizers of this summer’s downtown San Jose Grand Prix have alienated a supportive San Jose community by canceling the much-anticipated Champ Car race, citing “inflated gas prices.”  A stunned city council has wasted no time though in replacing the race with a unique event combining Pamplona’s Running of the Bulls and the county’s wellness program.

The Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain has been around for centuries, but did not gain international fame or success until Ernest Hemingway wrote about it in his 1926 novel, The Sun Also Rises.  Famed sports columnist Mark Purdy of the Mercury News, wants to tie that same type of romance to the Running of the Supervisors.

“People think of the County Supervisors as nice, harmful, and sedentary people, but let me assure you, they are not,” warns Purdy.  ““Constantly voting on the wrong side of popular issues can make them nasty… there will be great drama involved in this historic running.  I say let ‘em loose!”

Councilmembers admit the idea came from the Supervisors half hour foray into the urban jungle around the county building in the name of exercise and health…and because they couldn’t get bulls.

“Because all of the bulls from the San Fermin festival in Spain will have been slaughtered at the time of San Jose’s race,” explained one race organizer.  “We had to make substitutions.  Hence the politicos.”

Hundreds of thousands are expected to join the stampede, which will take place on a course in downtown that includes several bathroom breaks, lunch at the Fairmont’s Fountain restaurant, and naptime.

Political consultant Richard Robinson does not want race participants to take the dangers of running with the County Supervisors lightly “One must not minimize the inherent risks when turning the Supervisors loose on the streets of San Jose…you could be trampled, gored, or God forbid, have to speak with one of them,” he says.

Officials promise that the Supervisors will be set loose at the end of the race rather than barbarically “put down” by matadors.

17 Comments

  1. Nah, I think if we listen to Pat Mahan and Ron Gonzales, we should have a soccer match with them instead.  I would never want to return a kickoff with Jim Beall and Primo forming the wedge.

    Better yet, why not baseball.

    On one side we will have Tom, “the perfersser” McEnery manage the San Jose Mercury Miners, and on the other side, Dale “the Douser” Warner manage the County Bluebells.

    lineups to follow

  2. Since the Del Monte site is a non-started maybe San Jose can build a Major Leauge Tiddly Winks rink just off San Pedro Square.

  3. Sounds like great idea.  If those Board members came running at me I wouldn’t worry about being gored just run over you’d be killed.  That’s a lot of weight to have run over you.  I like that fact that they are replacing the bulls becasue they have been flinging it for so many years.  They are also constantaly running.  They’v all been running for some kind of office is San Jose for the past thirty years.  CAn’t we get rid of these people.  I suggest you remove there feeding tubes after the running.

  4. Go Johnny.  You’re picking up your game a bit. This is the best column I’ve seen out of you in weeks. 

    But, I’m getting burned out the supervisor-city manager-mayor theme.  Let’s pick a new topic for next week:
    1.)  Lindsey Lohan’s new show,
    2.)  Whatever happened to Steve Wozniak,
    3.)  The new salad bar at Stump’s

    What do you think?

  5. Let’s talk about downtown, John. This is where you reside and do business. Stop talking about nonsense and things that don’t make sense.

  6. Since Major League Baseball is OUT until Gonzales is OUT, I say let the RUNNING begin…something new to draw crowds to downtown…who needs hockey????

  7. Speaking of new things (see comment #6), this list may want to consider how the two new “downtowns” will stunt the growth of the existing downtown.

    City planners openly describe Vision North San Jose as the creation of a new “downtown” all around North First Street from 880 to 237.

    Coyote Valley development fans also regard their new industrial/residential/commercial complex as a new downtown.

    Critics of Santana Row (who dislike its impact on downtown growth) may want to take a hard look at plans for North First Street and for Coyote Valley. Taken together, they will radically reshape San Jose and undermine the focus on downtown for decades.

  8. Dale-

    Two very controversial projects that will have major impacts throughout San Jose…I was very surprised when I read an editorial by the president of the San Jose Downtown Association in favor of Vision North San Jose.

    Santana Row is done, which all but killed future retail in downtown. 

    The airport area developments took office buildings and hotels out of the downtown area, and thus people.

    We can not continue to self-inflict wounds and think that we will ever arrive at the downtown we all dream about.

  9. The running of the supervisors is a brilliant idea.  However, it does not answer the question:  who will clean up afterwards?  Much like the bulls… a group of supervisors can produce much B.S. along the way… making the city unsafe and unpleasant… until someone cleans up….

  10. Senor John,

    I am an exchange student from Spain and look forward to the running of the supervisors!  I will bring my favorite whipping stick and sword!

  11. How about cock fighting between the san jose council and santa clara supervisors.  Would sell out underground ranches in gilroy.

  12. The much anticiaoted Grand Prix de San Jose and its’ alleged cancellation is is akin to a silicon “Seward’s Folly.”  The ineptitude of the Gonzales Junta to provide an antiseptic to San Jose’s failing Silicon Illusion. Not only does the G-Junta fail to provide any professional sport (e.g. SF Giants) to bring in much needed revenue to an ailing downtown economy, dear Ol’ Don Ron has added yet another debacle to G-junta administrative woes. Furthermore, I don’t believe that a “Running of the Supervisors” would be at all safe as compared to a Cart Race.  After all, the G-Junta would spew yet an even greater plie of Patard upon which the Sups would ask the community to dine. I say: “Make sauage of those Bull~Shippers.

    Aloha