Single Gal and the New Lowest Form of Humans

Through careful research and consideration, I have come to believe that bouncers are now the lowest form of humans to grace our social scene. I have logged hundreds of man-hours in our local establishments to come up with this conclusion that I am sure other people have come to long ago. Doormen and bouncers already operated on power trips and egos. Even so, there is a new increased power given to these men that they do not deserve, and an attitude in our city that they can do or say anything they want to us. I think we all have a growing lack of respect for others in general and the bouncers are leading the way.

Here are just a few examples I have seen lately. I was with some friends at Santana Row’s hotspot, Sino. This is a restaurant that turns into a bar and starts playing loud music. The overall attitude of the bouncers and managers is that unless they feel you are someone, they treat you as if you are no one. I had a manager talk to a friend of mine so disrespectfully that I find it hard to believe he would want someone talking to his wife, sister or mother that way.  I am not old fashioned, but gentlemanly manners definitely are not present in a place like Sino.

I have been yelled at, sworn at, pushed and pulled by bouncers or people that work in bars. At Carry Nation’s in Los Gatos, bouncers treat customers like the scum on the bottom of their shoes. I have seen them yell, scream and disrespect people left and right—and they do it only because they can. So why does a doorman or a bouncer hold my fate in his hands? He decides if I get in or not and how to solve conflicts (and I am guessing he is not working with a Ph.D in conflict resolution). He can decide to put his hands on others even though he has no formal training on how to restrain people. Because it is a private bar, it seems all the rules go out the window. Maybe some of our resident lawyers can enlighten me on how bouncers seem to be above the law in some cases. I can’t physically shove someone out of my house, so why can they shove someone out of their bar?

I am a nice, respectful and upstanding citizen, and if they treat me this way, I can’t imagine how they treat others. Maybe there are too many meatheads, drunks and fighters out there that ruin it for the rest of us who are just trying to have a good time. Regardless, the attitude of local bouncers and bar workers is beginning to mirror what I have seen in Los Angeles and New York. Are we really there yet?  If this is the direction that our city is going in then maybe I need to become a hermit.


  1. I’ve logged many years owning a bar.  If you are having so much trouble dealing with the security; it may be because you and your friends have issues with over consumption of alcohol. 

    Think about it.  if your having what seem like constant problems with staff; maybe your drinking too much or your hanging out with others who are drinking too much.

    I’ve had thousands of customers over the years at multiple places I’ve owned and never heard someone (who didn’t have alcohol related issues) complian to this extreme.

    You may want to consider the 12 steps to being a hermit!

  2. Any establishment that has the need to employ bouncers is not one that I would be interested in patronizing.  Sino gets a double whammy in this regard, as I also wouldn’t be intersted in paying an inflated price for a cocktail in order to hang among a bunch of loathsome and shallow hot shot Santana Row types.  SG, please don’t tell us you’ve been searching for husband material at SR.  Depth of character is not a trait of your typical SR party guy.

    Today’s topic is a no-brainer.  Bar owners are simply validating the bullying behaviors that these bouncers have used to get through life ever since grammar school.  The bouncers enjoy their work, it’s likely the only thing they excel at, and no doubt in many cases they are making up for physical “shortcomings” that they can’t change. 

    SG, why in the world would you even think that these self-absorbed bullies possess even a particle of courtesy?

  3. Funny, I’ve been to several bars in my lifetime all over the Bay Area and have not once had an issue with bouncers/security.  Maybe #1 is right, it’s because I don’t get belligerent and drink in moederation.

    Do you need to work on yourself SG?  All your posts do seem to involve drinking and don’t seem to have any relevance at all to politics in SJ.

  4. Rent “Roadhouse” starring Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliott, and Kelly Lynch.

    I rarely go to places with bouncers, since the fact that they need them tells me something about the clientele.  But when I have entered such a place , I have found that only the overly intoxicated who become irritating get the bad treatment.  Irritating is well short of violent, but no-one needs some drunk person spoiling everyone else’s fun, and then whining about it when asked to leave.

    It’s like that irritating college student who got tased at some political function a few months back.  He was asked to leave, he didn’t, and he kept whining “I didn’t do anything, leave me alone” over and over, until he got tased.  If he’d just walked away, he’d never have been tased.

    Same with the slobbering whiners in bars who won’t leave when asked, so they get bounced.  And women are the worst, since you can’t just hit them like you can a guy who won’t leave when asked to do so.

  5. Single Gal – the bouncers at all of these clubs are the way they are because the police decided they needed to go to Hollywood to look for answers on how to deal with the massive tension between the cops and the clubs. The cops are the ones who insisted on all this. They went to Hollywood to see how that city deals with it all. You know that. The increased bouncer presence is just part of the whole package.

    Having goon bouncers who all look the same at every single club—the same security shirts, the same name tags, and requiring all bar managers to carry ID badges if live music is to exist in the place, and in some cases requiring patrons to have TWO forms of I.D., (passports not being acceptable any more)—all this nitpicky homogenizing crap—all of this was part of the revamped plan of attack that was supposed to ease the problems between the clubs and the police. McEnery was fully behind all this. You guys are the ones who wanted all of this – and now you guys are complaining about the bouncers?

    You can’t have it both ways. If you want nightlife that is just for Caucasian nuclear families and former Bellarmine twits, it just isn’t going to happen here, sorry. In fact, THOSE are the people who usually don’t know how to drink properly in the first place…

  6. In my experience, there’s a healthy balance of ego-tripping bouncers and self-righteous patrons. The city already leans on drinking establishments excessively, so they’re not going to take chances with people. The want to play it safe and sometimes feelings get hurt. I’m not saying that you’re a trouble-maker or that you warrant this treatment, but it goes both ways and cannot all be attributed to the attitudes of those working the door.

  7. If you substitute the word “police” for “bouncer”, and change the abused clientele to a different socio-economic group this post, while still being subjective, might generate some discussion that is actually useful for society.  Then again, it might not.

    This quote

    “The overall attitude of the bouncers and managers is that unless they feel you are someone, they treat you as if you are no one.”

    appears to go to the core of the issue.  If you are not one of the “beautiful people” you experience discrimination.  Maybe it is not right, but that is way shallow people are.

    I believe it was Confucius who said, “Life’s a bitch, and then you die.”

  8. Both #1 and #3 have a point. It can be necessary to eject an obnoxious person from a bar before they can cause serious trouble. On the other hand, there are certain places that ooze “attitude” where bouncers arbitrate who gets in and who doesn’t. My personal rule: if there’s a line to get in and a bouncer guarding the door, it’s better to find another watering hole. The best places have no bouncers at the door, no velvet ropes and no snooty dress code. As for Santana Row, the whole place is too snooty and overpriced for me. Give me Gordon Biersch any day.

  9. SG- What race are you? Sometimes bouncers of color like to push around whites because they have some issue with whites. Or if you’re blonde, they do it too. I think the above posters are correct, if a club has a bouncer you can bet there will be trouble. So, why bother to go, unless you’re looking for trouble? Secondly, I agree that it is the loud mouthed, crap disturbers who get thrown out the door. In my younger days, I found bouncers to be a blessing. If I was with my girls just having a glass of wine enjoying the music, and drunken sots came over and bothered us, bouncers were plenty happy to boot them out the door for us, and even walked me to my car a few times.
    SG, you are right about one thing though, people are very self centered and rude these days. A few examples, I can give is that I hate going to Costco on a weekend, or on a week night because people will bash into you with their cart, not apologize, and act like nothing happened. Or you go to a movie and some idiot will talk through the whole thing, even if several people politely ask him or her to stop. I went to see Ella, paid $56.00 for my seat, and had to listen to this pinhead yak through the whole dam thing. It’s pretty sickening the way people act these days. They cut in front of you in line, cut you off in traffic, neighbors make tons of noise and don’t care about people living around them, sad, very sad~

  10. Kathleen, welcome to the big city.  We may be in the cultural minor leagues here in the world’s largest suburb but when it comes to rude behavior, we are major league all the way.

    As for Costco, what do you really expect from a place that has taken on the atmosphere and mayhem of street bazaar culture instead of a legitimate retail establishment?  Combine that with people yacking on their cell phones and you’ve got a regular bumper car scene with the shopping carts.  I think twice before venturing to Costco anymore.

  11. Dear S.G.:

    It sounds like the Sharks could use a few of these bouncers that you’re talking about.  Next time, get their names and numbers, especially the real mean ones!

    Talked to someone in the City’s Transportation Dept the other day.  San Jose’s backlog list for street resurfacing is 400 miles!!!  Don’t worry though…26 miles are scheduled to be redone next year!  26 miles…wow.

    Pete Campbell

  12. Wow, yes, I am single, I like to go out, maybe dance a little – therefore I am an alcoholic. I am so glad I could have this intervention on San Jose Inside…..I can now make life changes.  What would I do without you guys…

    And unfortunately, John Michael, I have seen bouncers grab women, they don’t seem to think twice about it.  What is the legal rule about that anyway?

  13. It’s about time someone treats you rough, but it can be worst.  In LA, Club Vertigo, the door-men picked and choose the patrons.  If you’re ugly and not attractive, you don’t get in, period!  Only drop-dead, gorgeous rock’n roll, fun, model girls, who slubber all over and kiss those door men, could get in, or the guys who supply them with “coke” could get in the back door.  Of course, that’s was in the ‘80’s.  Now, it’s more prevelent in major cities across the country.  Otherwise, only people can get to those clubs must be on the “guest list” or have a connection.  They’re way ruder than than the bouncer in the valley.  That’s the way it goes.  I guess the doormen in downtown San Jose are tame and the best comparing to other places.  Just hang out in downtown San Jose since it’s not a bad place.

  14. SG # 13 asked me:“And unfortunately, John Michael, I have seen bouncers grab women, they don’t seem to think twice about it.”

    Not nearly enough facts, SG.  What did these women do/say?  Were they bothering other paying patrons?  Were they asked to leave and refused? Were they cussing out the bouncers, knowing that few bouncers would dare do to a woman what they would do to a man—clock her.

    Many women—I’m not saying either you or your friends—rely on the fact that no matter how drunk and obnoxious they may get, no-one is supposed to usher them out the door by laying hands on them, even if they refuse to go politely.

    Maybe the answer is female bouncers, who could kick the shit out of their obnoxious asses if they don’t behave in accordance with club policy.  Ain’t nothin’ worse than a drunk obnoxious woman in a club.  At least with men, you can haul their ass out the door and give them a “lesson”.

    It used to be that the main problem in clubs was a combination of youth, alcohol, and testosterone.  That line has not only been blurred…it has been obliterated.  Many of the obnoxious patrons these days are drunk women.  But somehow society has decided that it ain’t right to treat them equally with obnoxious males.

    You want eqaul rights?  Take equal responsibility.  You act up—you out!  You don’t go peaceably, well….

    There is a general decline in manners evident here and elsewhere.  Idiots who talk on cell phones @ the movies (I’ve heard several drug deals being made on the phone in the movie theatre); bring toddlers, who cannot reasonably be expected to be quiet (RENT dvd’s, you idiot parents).

    And @ the movie houses, no-one polices the warnings they display before the feature presentation, ‘cuz they don’t want to get stabbed or shot for trying to enforce decorum.

    There is a huge decline in the respect for others, and the major offenders can be graphed on a socio-economic scale quite accurately, I’d bet.  The Homeboy brings his flavor of the week to the movies, with her kid by another guy, they jabber throughout, and maybe he does a drug deal or two on the cell phone during the feature presentation.

    So, unless you’re ready to get into it, you can either leave or put up with it, ‘cuz it’s not reasonable to expect the poor theatre employee is going to toss out some homeboy.  Any wonder why we have Netflicks and other similar services?

    And the biggest problem—these problem assholes are outbreeding educated, respectful people.  Thankfully, I’m too old to live to see the cataclysm that awaits us if we continue to put up with these gangs, drug dealers, and general disrespectful malcontents who continue to breed and infect our once great society.

  15. SG, regarding bouncers and the law:

    Bouncers are not immune from prosecution for assault, battery, or any other crime, which is why the experienced professional will be at least as good at verbal persuasion as he will be at hurling idiots out onto the pavement. That said, the problem for even the best of them is that many of the people who need to be quieted or removed are immune to verbal persuasion, either as a result of intoxication or poor upbringing (most often a combination of the two). Thus, the real task for a bouncer is to accurately determine the correct approach in a given situation. The good ones will get it right most of the time, those still learning won’t, and the cognitively-challenged will rely on rudeness and force. (Unfortunately, if a club is popular enough it can probably get away with making rudeness and force the default setting.)

    For a bouncer, getting it wrong has real consequences. In your case, judging by what you say, the consequences were offended patrons (one of whom may have been the victim of criminal battery) and a big dose of bad publicity. In other cases, getting it wrong can result in a situation getting dangerously worse, especially when dealing with someone (or a group) that interprets courtesy and leniency as weakness. As is the case in any job dealing with the public, getting it right all the time just ain’t gonna happen.

    So what happens when a bouncer gets it wrong and unnecessarily puts his hands on someone? Pretty much the same thing that happens when anyone else does it. The offended party processes it according to his or her own interpretation of right and wrong, and, if convinced of having been wronged, takes it up with the local police department. There, the officer will consider the seriousness of the incident, the extent of the injuries, the relationship of the parties, the level of drinking involved, the bouncer’s authority and responsibilities, the chances that an investigation will yield an accurate picture of what occurred, and the likelihood of prosecution by the DA.

    In other words, absent any significant injury or remarkable circumstances, pursuing the matter criminally is a waste of time. Better to lodge a complaint (the next day) with the club owner, the Alcoholic Beverage Commission, and the local vice unit (the club owner deserves a chance to correct the problem on his own, while the authorities—who wield real power over licensees—need to know if a particular establishment is in need of monitoring).

  16. Tip: Wear a cleavage-bearing top and flirt with them.

    It worked for me. Me and the San Jose bouncers used to be BFFs.

    They’re here to stay. Finding ways to deal will make the whole experience a whole lot more enjoyable.

  17. SG- As to our responses to your question, we’re just giving you our honest opinions, and experiences. And as to some of the responses you are receiving, I agree people are being a bit tough on you, but that’s the chance you take when asking others what they think.
    I personally don’t think you’re an alcoholic. I think you are young, and you like to explore new things and new places. You are doing much of what we old farts did in our youth, but I think some folks on here have forgotten that. If you are upset with the way you are being treated by these guys, I’d complain to the manager of the club. You don’t deserve to be man handled, or treated like dirt.
    JMO, you are clearly a gentlemen who hasn’t seen the way men treat women these days.  In our day, decent women shunned a man who put his hands on a woman for any reason, and a few of the men who saw a man physically abuse a woman, would have taught him a lesson in proper behavior. Today, especially young men, have no problem with shoving, or smacking the hell out of a woman, or saying some pretty harsh things to them, or about them. If you think I’m kidding, go read Craig’s List Rants and Raves, or their dating blog. Just sickening.

    Mark T. well said. I believe you’re right. I guess the way we’re bringing up children in the recent past, and today has something to be desired, that’s for sure. The results of these spoiled brats coming of age are pretty frightening. But I must say I’m pretty shocked at this entitlement attitude I see here. People act like the world revolves around them and no one else.
    I guess I’m rather proud of SG for knowing the difference between polite behavior, and rudeness. She’s young, has self-respect, and refuses to allow anyone to treat her in a disrespectful way. I don’t see that enough from young women these days. Way to go SG.

  18. JMO- Everything you said is absolutely true! I just saw an excellent movie on this very issue, “No Country For Old Men.” If you haven’t seen it, please do. Just excellent!
    I left the theater very disturbed by this movie. It really made me think, and I agree with one of the Sheriffs in the movie who said, he was leaving law enforcement because he’s being “Out Matched.” Meaning he just couldn’t keep up or stay alive in this new crime wave, drug wars, and thugs in general.
    As to drunken women JMO, those are not women. They are spoiled brats who were raised to think that they are entitled to behave any way they wish, as long as they get what they want. They are young; scantily dressed forty year olds who are mean, and nasty. It is truly sad to see.
    Have you ever seen Housewives of Orange County? My God! If my Mom had breast implants that big, ever dressed, acted, or wore make up like that, I’d have run a way from home. They are rich, selfish, lonely, fake, and very sad little girls in grown up people’s bodies.
    There are way too many single Moms who get no help from the children’s fathers, if they even know who the Dad is. These Moms work hard to support these kids, and aren’t home enough to discipline them. I feel angry that women procreate without taking these poor unborn kids into consideration. I mean, don’t they ever stop to think about what kind of fathers these guys would make, before they lay down without using birth control? 
    And we wonder why kids are so lost and troubled these days.

  19. Ha ha, you all should run off to Del Webb or The Villages and leave real life to the younger generations who can handle it. America’s the greatest nation in the world, and no amount of pessimistic hand-wringing from you old farts will ever change that. This upcoming era will see the greatest struggle and tribulation that humankind has ever known, and we young people are ready for it. If you’re not, kindly set out of the way.

  20. JMO:

    Another movie (not a very good one) that contains the same premise as your comment is “Idiocracy”  The educated, intelligent people wait to have children, hoping things will get better.  The uneducated continue to breed like bunnies and end up taking over the earth.  The dumbing down of society.  An interested idea but a pretty bad movie.

  21. Kathleen #19—I saw it last weekend.  Disturbing film on a couple of levels.  I have never read any of Cormack McCarthy’s books, but I have been told that they are exceedingly violent tales.

    Yes, #20, America is the greatest generation in the world—thanks to us old fart baby boomers who cemented it into the #1 position by hard work, respect for others, and perseverance. 

    But in doing so, many of us clearly neglected to bring up our children the same way we were brought up.  Then the entitlements crews in the government and elsewhere cemented the downfall of this nation.  And we’re left with…you.

  22. $$$$$$$  – Thanks for proving the point others have made. With your attitude we’ll continue to sink into the abyss of ignorant, rude, uncaring, cretins.
    BTW – you might try proofing what you write. If “we young people are ready for it”, then you’d better start doing instead of talking.

  23. “BTW – you might try proofing what you write.”

    Where’s the typo? (I meant in my comment. Yours is rife with them.)

    I save the world by preventing urban sprawl and ensuring a humane built environment. What do you do, Novice?

    As a generation, Baby Boomers did exactly nothing to make America great. Your parents gave you everything, and when that wasn’t enough, you stole more from your children.

    Baby Boomers’ grandparents and parents built every significant public works project and social program, from the Central Valley Project and TVA to the Interstate Highway System to the Civil Rights Movement and the Great Society. Baby Boomers smoked dope and voted for Ronald Reagan and his platform of, “Screw the future! Tax cuts now!”

    Thanks for the crushing debt, crumbling infrastructure, and ruined environment, losers! You can whine now, but History is on our side. We will bury you, and then save the world from your mistakes!

  24. $$$$$$$$ has it right.  The reason that the newer generations are a mess is becuase the tax cuts of the reagan years are coming home to roost.

    Building prisons and a large court system does nothing to prevent crime.  Education of the whole population does. 

    We have a crisis brewing is this country.  Our youth are not receiving a proper education.  And way to many young poor unmarried girls are having children.

    Environment; what a mess.  I guess we will grow a new earth when this one goes down.

  25. #25

    I didn’t comment on your typo, but here it is:

    If you’re not, kindly set out of the way.

    Unless, that is what you meant to say. 

    You diatribe against “Baby Boomers” is just stupid.  Only a moron, or a bigot, would try to blame current societal problems on everyone born between 1946 and 1964. 

    The issues you blame on the Boomers are the result of conservatives, and in case you haven’t noticed, there are plenty of conservatives in your generation.  Whatever that may be.

    However, I seriously doubt you know what you are talking about in regard to any subject, so I can only conclude you are trolling for a laugh or two.

    To quote the famous 20th century philosopher, The Who;

    People try to put us d-down (Talkin’ ‘bout my generation)
    Just because we get around (Talkin’ ‘bout my generation)
    Things they do look awful c-c-cold (Talkin’ ‘bout my generation)
    I hope I die before I get old (Talkin’ ‘bout my generation)

  26. Picking out lone typos that don’t really affect the legibility of writing is the last refuge of the internet’s idiots. Notice that I didn’t bother to correct all of yours? It’s a boring thing to do.

    Here’s another quote popular with your g-g-g-generation:

    “Don’t worry ‘bout tomorrow, baby; LIVE FOR TODAY MANNNNN!” [bong rip bubble sound as you let your chance to change the world slip away]

    “Don’t worry ‘bout tomorrow, baby; LIVE FOR TODAY MANNNN!” [the sound of a vote registered to use debt to fund the government so that you can buy yourselves bitchin’ Saab convertibles and cocaine]

  27. Novice,

    Why do you keep bagging on the sonama chicken coup owners.  They run a good business that has never received a dime from the city. 

    They don’t get to involved in any issues related to the city.  Just like every other small business downtown; they don’t have a say on anything the city or elected officials do.

    So what do you know?

  28. #32 It’s not like that at all – just having fun with the poster sometimes known as:

    planner in born and raised
    city planner in born and raised

    Who in finest Kruschev fashion proclaims “We will bury you”.

    You’ll know $$$$$ has made it to the top of the SJ city planning ranks when the council begins hearings on starting up a Soylent Green program.

    FWIW, the Sonoma Chicken coup hijinks begin on post 40 at

  29. Kiernal #32:

    He’s just some crazy dude who hates the small businessman, especially when he becomes a success. Some people just can’t stand it when someone else achieves the American dream.

  30. It will be hell to live in a future where people believe in responsibility to the global community and future generations instead of the saying, “Greed is Good.”

    I’m sure you will be miserable when you see what we young people will achieve by working together. You will probably also be miserable when you think back on what you might have done for the world with your life and how nobody will remember your granite countertops and rain showers, except in the context of the ecological destruction carried out in the name of your endless “remodels.”

  31. I see the light now.  The generation of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears will be my salvation.  As soon as Britney locates her panties and Lindsay gets out of rehab they will save me from myself.

  32. Man, who cut off the oxygen supply to some of these folks? The incoherency meter is going off the charts. Any chance that the rational folks can regain control of this blog?

  33. Okay all, can we stop with the personal attacks? It is counter productive, and isn’t what the topic is about. Yes, each generation has screwed up, no one is perfect. So…Let’s move on~

  34. 29 – Good to know the future is in good hands like yours. Yikes! Where do you get your info—comic books? Or Fox News. Oops, sorry—they are the same thing.

  35. I have created no children, and use VTA buses and light rail.  I walk, and recycle my household waste.  I rent a 300 square foot apartment in Willow Glen.  My annual income has never exceeded 34,000 dollars.  I don’t think you can blame me for the destruction of the environment.  I fully fund my 401k and traditional IRA.

    Yes, I rub elbows everyday with young people.  In the morning I see them getting escorted off the light rail by the fare inspector.  At noon time I see them sleeping in Saint James Park.  In the evening I see their “tagging artwork” on the light rail stations.  At night I see them urinating and vomiting in doorways and alleys.

  36. Is that all you’ve got, Berlin?

    Pathetic. Do you even know any young people? It must be really sad to know that your time is up and that you’ve left to your children a world far worse than the one you inherited from your parents.

  37. Bouncers abusing their power? Treating us like dirt? Hmm, sounds like police in San Jose.
    Maybe there is a correlation between power and how it corrupts.  There is a saying (although hackneyed), what goes around, comes around.  It does.