Image of Forrest Williams Appears on Curtain at Camera 12

Millions Flock to “Charlotte’s Web” to See Supernatural Occurrence

San Jose was hit with a much-needed Christmas miracle this season that has sent millions of visitors, tourists, and skeptical gawkers into downtown with their spin-off dollars landing in happy restaurants and welcoming hotels.

If Santa, Christmas in the Park and Baby Jesus weren’t enough to wrest the happy holiday greenbacks from the wallets of the spendthrift masses, a timely, if not disturbing image of a grinning Councilman Forrest Williams appearing on the curtains at the Camera 12 Cinema during a showing of “Charlotte’s Web”—clad in what appears to be a smoking jacket and silk boxer shorts—has certainly done the trick.

The International City Council Management Association (ICMA), the leadership and management organization charged with the responsibility of investigating and verifying civic miracles, dispatched several dozen of their volunteer “Hysteria Chasers” to the site of the apparition.

These Hysteria Chasers, usually retired rubberneckers or failed paparazzi, have years of experience wasting time observing urban mayhem, celebrity meltdowns and highway pileups, and are therefore distinctly qualified for such craziness.  “We will get to the bottom of this so-called ‘miracle,’” whispered one such specialist who wished to remain anonymous and quiet as he watched Wilbur discover that the humans were going to eat him at Christmas.  “Oh, that sucks for the pig.”

According to theater management, business is up 75,000 times over last season, causing a quadrupling of staff, a 24-hour theater operation, and no popcorn, soda or candy within a mile of the place.

“I just don’t understand all the hysteria,” said theatergoer Joseph Saddlewander.  “Every Tuesday you can go see the real Forrest at the City Hall Rotunda representing a whole district of San Jose.  Now that’s the real miracle if you ask me.”


  1. The Vatican is proud to announce San Jose’s first sanctioned miracle which is the mystery of the serpent statue in Plaza de Cesar Chavez turning into a steaming pile of…

  2. SJI’s Conspiracy Question of Day

    Who will be the Wizard of Oz for Reed’s administration?    Vic, Tom, Pat, Carl ?

    Who are they working for?

    Does any of our usual local Conspiracy Theorists know?  finfan, Dale, Jack, Novice, JMOC?

    Why don’t we have Richard Robinson since the election to kick around?  We miss you Rich

  3. 6 – Have you ever listened to Forrest at a Council meeting? Pretty scary to think that this guy is an elected official. Nice guy but only slightly smarter than Nora (maybe).

  4. Ahh Forest…  whenever I see him in action at the dais I cannot help but reminisce back to the 1992 vice presidential debate when candidate James Stockdale said, “Who Am I?” and “Why Am I Here”?  Seems that Forest has a knack for insinuating that at every council meeting.  At least he doesn’t pull a Stockdale and say, “Could you please repeat the question: I didn’t have my hearing aid turned on.”  Instead, he just sleeps.

    Gotta love some of our elected officials!  He certainly adds some great entertainment to the meetings and you’ve got to love him for that.

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