Hologramervisors Will Have Authority to Cast Votes
Immediately following the CNN presidential broadcast in which the 24-hour news station showed off its new technology by beaming a hologram of Will.I.Am. into their New York studios to conduct an interview with Anderson Cooper, the County purchased the holography machine in order to beam their supervisors to the dais during weekly board meetings.
“This is going to be great,” said Supervisor Kniss. “I won’t have to commute down to San Jose anymore.”
After receiving the machine on Thursday morning, early tests suggested it needed a few adjustments - the hologram of Supervisor Pete McHugh urinated in the cafeteria and the image of Don Gage was arrested after robbing a liquor store in his boxers. The machine is now in a secure location, where an all-star team of Silicon Valley engineers will alter it and eventually have the Hologramervisors working out, attending church on Sundays and casting votes.
“It’s going to be a very complicated adjustment in order to get the Hologramervisors to vote,” explained one of the engineers. “We have to remove the intuitive feature that was built in at the factory.”
As was expected, the technology is also being carefully studied by other institutions. For example, Al Davis would like to try and get an image of Bill Belichick beamed down to the Raiders sidelines on Sundays, and the York family would rather not pay to put a real football team on the field. (Of course, most ’Niners fans believe they somehow found that technology years ago.)
And in related news, during his victory speech on Tuesday night, a happy and rested George Shirakawa, Jr. made the stunning announcement that he had been in Hawaii for the last year and a half, and that his hologram was the one actually elected to office.