Vows To Kill Pestilent Mosquitoes Himself
In a rare, selfless act by an elected official not involved in a political race, County Supervisor Jim Beall has vowed to single-handily stop the spread of the West Nile virus by killing the pestilent mosquitoes, “one by one, house by house, block by block.” This would put to rest the controversy surrounding the County’s Vector Control direct-mail voting campaign to increase assessments in order to fund future efforts to search for and destroy the disease spreading insects.
“We don’t need to unnecessarily tax our citizens,” said Beall to the shock of most. “I will hunt down these invertebrates and destroy them myself.”
Several Santa Clara County residents were surprised to find Supervisor Jim Beall at their doorstep last weekend, dressed in orange coveralls, wearing eye goggles, armed with a can of Raid and a fly swatter.
“He told us he was there to unleash his ‘shock and awe’ campaign,” said resident Kristen Savini. “He said he would hunt down and torture, if necessary, any type of mosquito, from the Culex to the Tree-Hole and everything in between. His pupils were dilated, he was sweaty, and he drooled uncontrollably; I was afraid to let him in.”
The National Organization of Invertebrates (NOI) immediately condemned Beall’s actions as “unprecedented, and unconscionable, especially from a sitting public official,” and pledged to throw their considerable weight behind any future opponent of Mr. Beall.
This was an immense personal blow to the supervisor as the NOI, a group that represents spineless insects and certain strains of American cockroaches, was set to honor Beall with their Invertebrate of the Year award.
The NOI gave no indication as to who will receive the award in Beall’s place, but they said the list of nominees was quite exhaustive.