Nerds Claim Their Conditions Worse Than Slaughterhouses
Thousands of high tech cubicle dwellers have taken to the streets in protest over Proposition 2 and what they feel is an unfair bias towards the welfare of barnyard animals and a societal insouciance towards the conditions they are being asked to endure.
“My house was foreclosed on, my car was repo’d and I lost my Starbuck’s card,” said one disgruntled cubey. “And we are going to spend millions of dollars giving futons to cattle?”
Many high-tech CEOs, concerned about their annual holiday bonuses this year, say they are left with no choice but to off-load office space and stack employees six to a cubicle.
“I’ve got jet fuel to pay for,” said one succinct executive.
“BBQ the bastards,” said Simon Schmiderwhamp, high tech cog. “Uh, the animals, not the CEO’s. But don’t get me wrong, there are a few hundred of the SOB’s I’d love to stick in those ‘kill boxes’ for a few months.”
The protesters say their goal is to get the Governor to classify their plight as a hate crime so they can prosecute proponents of Prop 2 while also qualifying for significant civil judgments.
“We have been persecuted because we are a specific unsocial group,” said one of the leaders of the insurgency. “Besides, treating animals in a humane way is inhumane…that, and it will drive the price of eggs up.”