San Jose Air Supply OK Through 2010

Government Expected to Reduce City’s Dependence on Oxygen

Despite the surging population growth expected in San Jose with development of Coyote Valley—which estimates place at as many as 120 million people, or the equivalent of any 40 U.S. states combined—the city is expected to have a full supply of oxygen through early 2010.

This surprising news comes on the heels of Wednesday’s announcement that the state’s water supply will be OK through 2030, and was welcomed by most oxygen users living in San Jose.

President Bush briefly addressed the situation in his State of the Union speech on Tuesday by promising to cut San Jose’s dependence on oxygen by 75% in the next four years.  “There are some good people that live in San Jose,” he said, “and we want to help facilitize the region by reducing the bureaucracitization usually involved in any plan with the large-osity that this one has.”

“What a relief,” said Marylou Cardosa a resident of San Jose.  “I only need two things in life, my morning Starbuck’s and my oxygen.”

An expert from the State Department of Oxygen Resources confirmed everyone’s greatest fears that if San Jose were to run out of oxygen, it would be bad.  “This is a nightmare scenario that would be worse than any avian flu pandemic,” he said.  “There would be no survivors – not even cockroaches”

19 Comments

  1. “Flocks of pigeons fitted with mobile phone backpacks are to be used to monitor air pollution, New Scientist magazine reported Wednesday.

    The 20 pigeons will be released into the skies over San Jose, Calif., in August. Each bird will carry a GPS satellite tracking receiver, air pollution sensors and a basic mobile phone.”

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11130898/

    John – it’s tough to compete with real life!

  2. You can imagine why the city is in such a mess.  Not enough oxygen getting to the brains that are running this city.  Now we are going to put another one in as mayor.  Cindy Chavez is collecting money from lobbyists and doesn’t even know who is giving her what.  Now the city attorney Rich Doyle has watered down the lobbyist laws so much they don’t have to tell us either.  Cindy doesn’t know and they won’t tell.  I think part of the problem with all these ethics laws is the city attorney.  He was the one advising Mayor Gonzo on how to avoid every pitfall he has faced and trying to save him and the rest of the council.  Get rid of him along with the mayor.

  3. #4:

    Based on some people I spoke with in San Jose about these issues recently, it appears the lack of oxygen has also affected many ciitizens, in the form of short memories and ineptitude:

    “I didn’t know Chavez represented me as a downtown resident”
    “Chavez determines what VTA bus or train service I can use and how much I pay?”
    “Cindy who?”
    “When was Cindy made Vice Mayor?”

    No wonder San Jose is where it is now.  When scandals and inept leadership continue to make San Jose a “small town in a big city’s body”, and its citizens do or know little or nothing aboout it, then the people of San Jose play a key role in everything that goes on at City Hall. 

    I must question whether or not San Jose Unified even teaches civics in its schools and, if so, from what grade levels.  I have to also ask whether or not civics is taught in any of the colleges in town and at SJSU.  Based on these answers I received from citizens downtown, it is clear that the basic knowledge of who represents us and how to contact them in a proper manner is not being taught. 

    In the end, the people of San Jose need to start making the time to find out who represents them.  It should not matter whether or not you are a soccer mom in Willow Glen or a struggling family in East San Jose.  Make the time and learn about the issues and your representatives in City Council.  Even if you lack Internet access, the local libraries can give you access to much of this same information at their Reference desk.
    Knowledge is power.  No power means no voice, and ultimately, no choice.

  4. Attention San Jose residents.  Under direct orders from my right hand man, Victor, I have issued:

    a) a newspaper outlining what Victor expects from all tenants of his new holdings in Coyote Valley;

    b) a letter from one of Victor’s henchmen telling all challangers to the new regime in Coyote Valley to withdraw from their candidacy for council;

    c)  A Code of integrity that only I can pass.

    signed

    Chuckster the First

  5. If we were able send back all of the people that are freeloading here illegally we would have a lot more oxygen, water, etc, etc, etc.

    One thing we do have is our own link to the Super Bowl. This year the head ref is hometown NFL referee Bill Leavy #127 !!! from the Willow Glen area. (Proud to be his driver) You can tell your buds, “That referee is from around here.” I know its not much but it’s all we have this season.

  6. “Government Expected to Reduce City’s Dependence on Oxygen”

    Whenever I ready myself to interface with my government, part of my regime includes a deep-breathing exercise that involves a plain paper bag and a small piece of dung (I get it for free from a Hereford breeder down in King City). After five short minutes with the bag, not only am I properly acclimated for the atmosphere at city hall, but gone are any problems with people violating my personal space.

    If you think a leg of lamb is best accompanied by a Cabernet, you owe it to yourself to compliment that next city council meeting with a lung full of methane. Hell, you’ll be so full of it that you won’t be able to tell where Gonzo’s explanations stop and your own breath begins. Who knows, with enough dung gas circulating through your system you might even be able to stomach a Scott Herhold column.

    Before discovering the miracle of the bag an afternoon spent at city hall was painfully unpleasant—certain to leave a bad taste in my mouth. But now, though I walk away from city hall alone, I walk away reeking with contentment.

    Oxygen—who needs it? I’m switching over to methane, full time. But I’m going to need to find a local supplier—someone who has the really good stuff.

    Maybe one of you can help: Does anyone know where Richard Robinson gets his?

  7. There once was a mayor named Gonzo

    who liked garbage deals very much

    had cronies named joe and cindy

    and a man who could not see through the forrest
    very much

    but one day was caught

    “me culpa” he said

    but no one believed him very much

    alas he has put the golden fleece over your eyes

    with false images of baseball, bart and the Grand Prix

    Here he took a page from the Romans

    Give them bread and circuses

    they will forget

    The Coruptus mandamus of the Gonzo regime

  8. Finfan-

    You get my nomination for Blog of the Week…

    But I think you’ll find the Alviso dung a bit more pleasing to the olfactory glands – there is a hint of the unique combination of salt water and seaweed blowing in from the bay that you might find while sitting at an alfresco brunch at the Crow’s Nest in Santa Cruz, sipping your Mimosa and listening to the flying rats caw as they attack the wayward bait floating in the harbor.

  9. Sorry this is so late but I just stopped laughing.

    My understanding of the Oxygen problem is that it will not be solved until the City of San Jose forms a study committee and funds it with hidden money. The Committee will then report back to the City Council with a recommendation that, I’m guessing here, will state that in fact we do need oxygen and probably will for the forseeable future.

    This report will then be refered to a feasability committee to determine where the best place to obtain future oxygen is. It will also determine the best method of taxing oxygen ie: should individual meters be used or should an addition to the sales tax be considered?

    This second committee will then present their findings to the full city council.

    Some suggest that oxygen can be obtained from water and this is a possibility that the committee will have to ponder. This will make still another committee study necessary,

    I can see committees studying these problems long after the existing oxygen is consummed.

    Perhaps we should learn to breathe hydrogen. After all there’s twice as much hydrogen in water than oxygen. 

    An additional benefit is that we will be able to run our vehicles on it. Sorta reminds me of an invention I once had that involved chili, a long hose and the automobile fuel tank…

  10. Only 120 million in Coyote Valley John?  I expected figures much larger than that if you considered filling all the hilltops with single family residences. Now I can breathe much easier knowing that our air supply won’t diminish in our lifetimes. No need to store bottled oxygen now.

  11. But John, I believe owning more than 3 or 4 charcoal briquettes will be a felony, and anything other than a solar powered lawn mower will require City Council approval.

    Hi Marylou, John greatly simplified your life in the above quote… hope all is well with you!

  12. ForgetMeNot-

    Don’t worry, I have a running log of great comments that I will get around to posting one of these days.  I can’t decide if it will be in the form of a “Best of…” or “Blogs of the Week” – if it will be SanJoseInside-wide, or just specific to the blogger columns, etc., but believe me, you will see it sometime.  So hide the children and be prepared at a moment’s notice.

    And keep the good comments comin’ in!

  13. Right here!

    You creedens of impromtu discussions. Finfan, I have enough methane to supply you for a lifetime if you have enough TURDS to supply my garden with fertilizer.

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