It’s as though Death Race is being filmed in San Jose. The city’s streets are no longer safe for septuagenarians, as the death toll of elder pedestrians has skyrocketed in the past year.
But as San Jose mourns the recent loss of its title “Safest Big City” to New York, it can find some consolation, and perhaps redemption, in the fact that it has topped the “Most Dangerous Big City for Pedestrians” list for the first time in a devastating counterpunch to the Big Apple.
“It feels good to be back on top,” said a spokesperson for the Con-Vis bureau. “I think this is a big reason why Tesla Motors decided to locate in San Jose.”
This year alone, pedestrian deaths-by-blunt-automobile have doubled. And there seems to be no end in sight.
“It’s really a tragedy,” said senior citizen rights activist Kenneth Walker. “What with the texting, IMing and uploading vital-sign statistics to their MySpace, there is just too much to divert their attention.”
As expected, in the face of such overwhelming statistics, the governor just signed an emergency bill making it illegal for the elderly to text and walk at the same time.