FAA To Buy iPods For Airport Neighbors

Noise Problem Solved They Declare

Angry airport neighbors, up all night listening to America West planes land, were awakened early this morning by a knock on their door from FAA agents delivering the popular Apple iPod MP3 player and an apology.

In a bold move to alleviate the complaints associated with allowing “curfew busting” planes to land after hours, the FAA has decided to spend $9.4 million on the popular MP3 players so that neighbors of the airport “can listen to their favorite music rather than the shrill sound of jet engines all hours of the night.”

“This is a great solution as far as I’m concerned,” said one neighbor who was lucky enough to get an iPod loaded with Kelly Clarkson’s new album Since U Been Gone.

Others weren’t so happy.

“My device was loaded with Mayor McEnery’s old speeches,” grieved a local ironworker.  “I avoided them during his term, so what use do I have for them now?”

The controversial flight is an America West route returning from Las Vegas at 1:25am loaded with revelers.  “It is quite a lively flight,” according to a spokesman for America West, “but be assured, what happens on America West flights, stay on America West flights.”

An FAA spokesman declared an end to the conflagration and wished happy listening to those eligible for the iPods.  Others interested in the “free iPod program” were instructed to hire a broker and find a home for sale in the airport approach zone.

Neighbor Dr. Kenneth Hayes, clad in a terrycloth bathrobe and armed with skepticism, wasn’t so quick to declare a truce.  “If they think they can buy us off with an iPod, they’ve got another thing comin’.  Besides, Janet Gray’s speeches were much shorter than Tom’s.”


  1. I am moving to the airport neighborhood in the next few months…can I be assured of an iPod with the Lion King soundtrack?? If not, I’m happy to have Mayor McEnery’s old speeches; can never get enough!!!

  2. I didn’t know that Mayor Gonsalez gave speeches.  Thought he was to busy playing golf with the A’s. I think the airport policy should be the same and no night landings.  Everyone wants change when people were promised they wouldn’t allow it, once again, promises broken.

  3. It does not surprise me, FAA Management continues to pillage funds for nonsense, while continuing to lie to Congress and the American people. They are currently outsourcing Federal Jobs (Flight Service Jobs) in the name of saving money at the price tag of 1.9 billion dollars. This will be a disaster but they are never held accountable for anything. The FAA is out of control but no one is watching!!!!!

  4. Yet another plagiarized city ordinance-read on…

    Guerneville, Marin County November 3, 1997.  “Union Pacific Railroad officials, in response to vocal discontent over expanding the Amtrak 198 line through Guerneville, agreed to a compromise yesterday.  Addressing residents primary concern over “excessive ground shaking” UP has agreed to provide locals residing within a 1000 yard proximity to the track with vibrators.  This agreement was “satisfying” to both parties.

  5. Deep in the bowels of the CH Labs, they’re working a Macmini based lashup that’ll play city council airport expansion meetings in dolby surround sound at 200db. 

    The Macmini’s are slated to be rolled out to the neighborhoods shortly before the commencement of 747 landings and takeoffs at Mineta International.

  6. I’m outraged by this.  We need to get behind an airport expansion plan.  Increase city tax revenues and job base by opening more acreage and improvements to move more cargo through SJ International.

  7. So the FAA and the Airport Commission, and Chuck, “Tiberius” Reed, can purchase Santa Clara residents like me, who have to watch small planes buzz our homes on the way to landing, 34 pounds of prime beef, so we can barbecue and not be bothered inside while the put-puts buzz our homes!!!!!

    Please, Chuck, send us all some ground beef

  8. Hey Clarence,

    I’m outraged by your stupidity!  I case you didn’t notice, they have been and are still expanding the airport on the backs of tax payers. 

    Flying in the middle of the night has nothing to do with expansion and growth.  It has to do with breaking promises, skirting the intent of the law and reducing the property values of those of us who live near the airport.

  9. I am all for more flights and business at the airport but isn’t this a sign of desperation and weakness – letting America West violate the “spirit” of the curfew. Weakness and desperation by the city that is.

  10. CH Mole has just learned of another skunkworks project – apparently CH labs and Apple are working feverishly to develop runway worker style headphones that are iPod compatible AND have hands free shortwave radio support. 

    No more long, awkward pauses at dinnertime.

    With shortwave radio support, the new headphones allow SJ citizens to communicate with neighbors, family members, and co-workers even while 777’s are directly overhead.  Stay tuned…

  11. If they built BART all the way to the airport they could add freight cars and make that sucker pay for itself within 10 years!
    Nah…to logical for government work…

  12. well, at least we are not all being lectured by Richard,who believes that ordinary citizens are just too ill informed to criticize their elected officials.

    The fact is that many of the Founding Fathers felt that the citizens were the people to respect.  They rarely felt that they should be cautioned not to be too hard on them.

  13. If San Jose wants to compete on a global scale and be involved on the international stage it needs to allow flights to land 24 hours a day.  Sorry for the residents who live in the flight path, but if San Jose wants to be “The Capital of Silicon Valley” it must have a 24 hour airport.

  14. If you buy a house by the airport you have to expect it is going to be noisy. Quit your whining and move if you dont like it.

  15. Did you all see where Larry”I want no criticism of what I do” Stone, who cannot seem to ever address tax relief for seniors, because it has nothing to do with baseball, and Ron, The Imperial Mayor, are suggesting 10 new sites for baseball?

    Larry’s new sign

    Come to Sn Joe, to watch 10 innngs of Baseball!

    Ron’s, play the gme at tghe Ralrad Staton!

  16. anyone who’s seen your posts on this site would know you shouldn’t be talking! (when it comes to grammer and spelling)

  17. Anyone who has read about the comments everyone has made anout using aliases should use them, should they?

    “I am too scared to give my name, waa, waa, ,and waa”

    By the way, your pharse in parantheses is incorrectly formatted, when it comes to gramma and spelling, cowardly poster.

  18. Ps, Mr. Hey, “I am too scared to give my name,”  if you are so worried about my poor spelling, which needs to improve,

    you misspelled my name.  Go ahead, please insult me, but get the name right, puddin’

  19. Gee, so downtown needs to move, as it is in flight paths, and I believe that the airport has expanded, so the moronic traffic controller can respond to that.  Oh, don’t flight paths change, mr. traffic controller??

    As for people living near airports, yes, that is true, but I have the document here that changed the flight paths that would be allowed for small planes that land at SJC in the nineties, due to other expansions, puddin’ head

  20. Any taxpayer who disagrees with the FAA spending $9.4 million on iPods for some crybabies who bought houses near an airport, please feel free to call the FAA’s Hotline to voice your displeasure.  The FAA’s CONSUMER HOTLINE (1-800-FAA-SURE) is a nationwide, toll-free telephone service provided for citizens with complaints concerning matters within FAA’s purview.  Individuals calling the FAA CONSUMER HOTLINE will receive a return call from an FAA official.

  21. Robert is right on about the FAA. The Peter Principle all the way in upper management. Complete and total incompetence. I would have said that before they were trying to cut my retirement out from under me 2 years before I’m eligible. It’s amazing the FAA functions at all.

  22. Great wall – you are on it!  We should embrace our strip malls!

    Minneapolis is known for having “The Great Mall of America”, SJ could be … you guessed it.

    Shouldn’t we also have our own “Museum of Strip Malls”?

    With interactive exhibits showcasing strip mall technology – you know the “Hot Dog rolling machine” and “Dry cleaning clothes retriever machine”.  How fun would that be!

  23. All the great cities have international airports 3 blocks away from their downtown don’t they?

    FWIW, here’s my theory on strip malls and how it could affect our international airport…

    Strip malls blossom in the spring (their sidewalks are cleaned, their glass is squeeged, new slurpee flavors are introduced) and the customer’s (bees) cross pollinate the strip malls when they visit other strip malls – and thus more strip malls are begotten. 

    Given their propensity for appearing just about anywhere in the south bay – don’t be surprised if, in the future, you glance out your jumbo jet window and see wall to wall strip malls lining the runways at Mineta International. 

    We can dream can’t we?

  24. The writers of postings 21 and 22 are just plain ignorant.  Re: #21, we DO NOT need a 24 hour airport in order to compete on a global scale.  Recently published articles on this violation by America West point out that in most large European cities there is little or no airport activity at night.  Clearly, they are more civilized than we are here in the U.S. and don’t place the almighty Euro at the top of the decision making scale when it comes to quality of life issues.  Re: #22, Nancy, did you ever stop to consider that many people who bought homes near the airport (like in the Rosegarden area) did so 40 or more years ago when the airport was asleep, only prop planes carried passengers in & out of SJC a few times a day, and nobody ever thought it would become the jetport that it is now?  Did you ever stop to consider that civic leaders put the curfew in place to maintain the quality of life of those who were in the vicinity before the airport became such a noise maker?  Did you ever have the opportunity on a cold clear winter night around maybe 10PM when things have quieted down, to hear what it’s like when a jet lands and the reverse thrusters kick in?  Don’t even get me started on the noise level of a takeoff in those conditions.  Property values even in the eastern parts of the Rosegarden area are compromised due to many buyers taking that area out of consideration due to airport noise.  This isn’t the fault of the people who bought there before the airport became a serious noise polluter.  Get real.  Look at the age of the nearby neighborhoods.  Some of the homes were built before Orville & Wilbur even got off the ground.  The city decided to keep our ill-placed airport where it is now, so it’s up to them to keep the surrounding area liveable—and that’s only fair.  This action by America West that serves only a group of people who feel they need extra time to behave irresponsibly—is completely callous and you can bet I won’t be flying on America West going forward until they reschedule this flight to arrive before the curfew, and maybe not even then.  Their decision couldn’t be more disrespectful and self-serving.

  25. Well, consider this.  No one from the Precision Flight Team, or no one from the Aeronautics Department at San Jose State will be allowed to work on real planes at real aiports.  That’s right, puddin’, the California State University Chancellor, Charles Reed, and our Chuck, though we all love to dart at him for being our kinda Chuck, is a lotttttttt (misspelled for emphasis), smarter than this puddin’ head at Long Beach, says that student pilots are too difficult to ensure.  Thomas Bowen, the new atheltic director is having too muck laxity dealing with boosters screaming at women dance team members, and inviting University of Colorado mullet heads that got in trouble in Boulder with students to come to this campus and cause the same.  So, this is a risk management problem.

    But in an age when we need to lead the world in some industry, like AERONAUTICS, we have to many bean counters in Long Beach worrying about people flying.  Please email Don Kassing at [email protected], and urge him to let people learn how to use planes at airports, please.

  26. Your correct!  Strip malls are our identity.  Gonzolez has asked for ideas for our international structure to identify our great “safe” city.

    I say we build the great wall of strip malls; it would already rival that fence in china.