Noise Problem Solved They Declare
Angry airport neighbors, up all night listening to America West planes land, were awakened early this morning by a knock on their door from FAA agents delivering the popular Apple iPod MP3 player and an apology.
In a bold move to alleviate the complaints associated with allowing “curfew busting” planes to land after hours, the FAA has decided to spend $9.4 million on the popular MP3 players so that neighbors of the airport “can listen to their favorite music rather than the shrill sound of jet engines all hours of the night.”
“This is a great solution as far as I’m concerned,” said one neighbor who was lucky enough to get an iPod loaded with Kelly Clarkson’s new album Since U Been Gone.
Others weren’t so happy.
“My device was loaded with Mayor McEnery’s old speeches,” grieved a local ironworker. “I avoided them during his term, so what use do I have for them now?”
The controversial flight is an America West route returning from Las Vegas at 1:25am loaded with revelers. “It is quite a lively flight,” according to a spokesman for America West, “but be assured, what happens on America West flights, stay on America West flights.”
An FAA spokesman declared an end to the conflagration and wished happy listening to those eligible for the iPods. Others interested in the “free iPod program” were instructed to hire a broker and find a home for sale in the airport approach zone.
Neighbor Dr. Kenneth Hayes, clad in a terrycloth bathrobe and armed with skepticism, wasn’t so quick to declare a truce. “If they think they can buy us off with an iPod, they’ve got another thing comin’. Besides, Janet Gray’s speeches were much shorter than Tom’s.”