Alum Rock Park Albino Menace

Albinos have been sighted chasing cars on ominous Hicks Road. They have been seen lurking about in the woods above The Cats Restaurant in Los Gatos. And a large enclave of albinos frolics in the gorges of upper Alum Rock Park. Urban legends of flesh-eating albinos are not unique to San Jose. Google “albinos urban legend” and countless links from communities all over the world provide harrowing accounts of albinos emerging from the dark in search of human flesh or poodle meat.

For millennia, schoolchildren matriculating in the Alum Rock district have spoken of albinos who swoop down the slopes in search of food, or perhaps to change the pin placements at the nearby San Jose Country Club. Demonic pin placements have been observed, sometimes the holes being moved completely off the green and placed next to badger lairs. I suspect parents may have started these lurid tales to scare their children into coming home before dark, such machinations being required when dealing with
children—an unruly lot at best. A classic example of the tactic was used by San Jose parents in the 1960s, who warned their children to shape up or be “dropped off in Alviso.” Nobody wanted to be dropped off in Alviso in the 1960s.

Alum Rock Park is open to the public, but the threat of albino attacks keeps out all but the most foolhardy. And I suspect the ultra-ominous $6.00 parking fee keeps out a few folks as well. Old time San Joseans, such as Dave Hickey and Greg Howe, remember visiting the park as children to swim at the natatorium (indoor swimming pool), or to sample the four “flavors” of mineral spring water—white sulphur, black sulphur, soda or iron.  At various times, Alum Rock Park has sported a restaurant, hotel, zoo, Chinese tea house, natatorium, merry-go-round, dance pavilion, and a famous meteor. A narrow-gauge railroad once connected the park with downtown San Jose. All are gone now. What remains are several fetid, oozing, sulphur springs, and remnants of what might well be blood-curdling albino ceremonies—including poodle bones and empty bottles of Cliquot Veuve.

Heinous Albino Menace
http://www.sanjose.com/underbelly/unbelly/Pale/alum/alum1.html

Official San Jose site of Alum Rock Park
http://www.sanjoseca.gov/prns/regionalparks/arp/arpindex.htm

 

23 Comments

  1. Eric, I do indeed remember some pretty good times at Alum Rock Park.  Had I known then what I know now, I never would have ventured out onto the hiking trails on my own.  I get goose bumps just thinking about stumbling across an enclave of hungry albinos!

  2. In light of the rising number of frolicking albinos across America, in recent years, and their impact on the environment, I have performed some preliminary research as to a solution; and, I have uncovered some interesting results. It seems albinos, being totally lacking in color, are terrified of plaid. I discovered the albino’s unusual weakness a 1774 letter from a Scottish immigrant in the Mississippi Territory, then under Spanish rule, to his relatives in the Georgia colony. The letter read, “It was on that occasion that I found our dear sister frightened by one of these marauding albinos. As I approached the beast, it ran through the cloths line where it became entangled in two dozen kilts our sister had hanging out to dry. Being totally lacking in color, the one hundred and eight yards of yellow, green and blue tartan must have been too much for the creature as he gasped for breath, changed a lighter shade of pink and promptly died on the spot. – Patty McFatty, 1774”

    Additional research in the Arkansas state Archives turned up a little known recipe for Albino Stew. The notation on the recipe reads, “You may find chance to benefit from a failed albino attack. Occasionally, the albino will approach the rider from the rear of the rider’s horse, at which point the horse’s hoof shall make waste of the beast. Therefore my lovely wife Virginia has adapted this possum stew recipe for such an event. Please note that oregano may be used in place of the thyme. Also, albino stew is a favorite at Sunday pot-luck-diners. – Daryal and Virginia Rodekil, 1893”

    I hope this data helps all of those folks near the Alum Rock Park. Best wishes and Bon Appetit!

  3. John, now you’ve got me wondering.  Having been a member of the Cub Scouts, Pack 53, we often congregated at Alum Rock Park for summer BBQs.  As a young boy, I never questioned the provenance of the meat… could it have been albino carrion?

  4. I find the intolerance towards the chromatically challenged and subsequent lack of outrage expressed here just one more example of ‘white silence’.  …wait a minute, albino’s are white, err…

    In any event – I was planning to alert Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow coalition about this, but after reading John’s research re albinos and plaid – maybe that’s not such a good idea.

  5. I have a question.  Looking at all of the developers that have given money to Mr. Integrity, and the fact that he works with one of the most unethical consultants in the Bay Area, does Chuck Reed think of himself as the Dudley Do Right of San Jose? He seems more like Fearless Leader with Victor Badenov.

  6. Eric, I first visited Alom Rock Park in 1944 when my parents took the family for a weekend camp-out. I remember the natatorium and especially the “smelly” water that my Dad said I should drink since it would cure my asthma.

    I think he knew about the albinos but said nothing to my little sister, my twin sister or me.

    After sunset we shared a campfire with several other intreped campers before turning in.

    We left the following morning and headed back to San Francisco and home. When we arrived, I searched all over trying to locate my twin. No luck. I suspect albinos although my parents never brought up the fact that she was missing.

    Nevertheless, I still have asthma but I don’t have a twin sister anymore.

    Could it have been albinos… hungry albinos?

  7. Just days after receiving a disturbing, offensive email from someone who apparently thinks it’s open-season on albinos, I have to read this stuff on SJI? For the record, all melanin-based humor, social commentary, and discrimination is offensive. If a few albinos want to jump out of the bushes and eat people, I think the polite thing to do is to not mention it. Same goes for those moronic albinos featured in the email photos, the ones who dress-up in prom costumes that look like rejects from a Batman movie.

    Can’t we all just get along and pretend we don’t notice these things?

  8. I know where the albinos are, they are at the new city hall. Cheif Albino and Mayor of the aAbinos Gonzo is there waiting to get you.

  9. One weekend evening my boy scout troop decided to have a camp-out in the old lodge which is now the wildlife center.  Our Scout Master was Roy West who was Superintendent of the Park in those days.  In the dark of the night he took three of us out on the trail with gunny sacks to catch snipe and albinos.  After about an eternity with no snipe or abinos to show for our efforts and no sign of Roy either, we left our post and walked back to the lodge to find everyone there including Roy West having a great party.  This was the initiation for three young scouts into the troop.  We never got a chance to see any snipe or albinos.

  10. Actually Gonzo is not going to be their mayor much longer.  I have managed to convince the right wing ones that I have the true voice of the albinos.

  11. Everyone knows that albinos love to eat humans, and suck there blood. Kind of sounds like a good politician.  That would explain why Ronzo aka Conzo is an albino, and Cindy-Gonzo is an albino in training. No wonder we have all these albino attacks in San Jose.

    My advice be careful, be very careful because Conzo will get you.

  12. I’m 33. Growing up in the mid-80s there were stories about albinos roaming Coyote Creek, betwn Tully & Hellyer.

  13. You guys are all ignorant, and not only are you ignorant, but you’re all a bunch of good-for-nothings! Don’t you have anything else better to do than to brag about an urban legend. Albinism is only and simply a birth deffect. Everybody who has an expanded sense of knowledge knows that.

  14. Well if they suck the sense of humor from you, then maybe there all hiding out at Lindsey’s house…..

    Anybody got the cure for a hum-bug up the butt?

  15. Well I’ve grown up with this urban legend my entire life. just today i hiked the entire thing and there is some messed up stuff there. now its a site for drinking and smoking and the ocassional scary story. the water is contaminated with mercury and there are several crushed cars and one urban myth.

  16. Come on you are talking about people with a skin condition.  Just substitute the word albino with white, black, hispanic, asian or perhaps even skin cancer victom.  Lets all think twice before we have fun at others expence.

  17. Hahaha, I live in San Jose, CA, about 5 minutes away from Hicks Road. I wonder to myself if the legend is true. I have driven on Hicks Rd. before, and all I saw were cute little deers! :]
    I have not driven there at night though.

  18. excuse me but the albinos were located above los gatos . you drove through those cat statues and up the road and thats where they lurked . i saw them up there in the 60’s . you took a girl up there to make out and out popped the hordes of zombie-alinos . they would pound on the car and try to grab you and hurt you . i still wont go up there again . good luck

  19. What ever you do, stay off of Marsh Road near Milpitas, cause there aint no fricking albinos there ok!!, Seriously, OK, stay away. I know what you are thinking, I might drive down to Marsh Road to check it out for myself , but don’t do it. Heed my warnings!!