Kudos to Sal Pizarro, writer for the Mercury News, for his Monday mention of the ECV Clampers “most satisfactory” plaque ceremony in Alviso. Sal’s mention is a bit of a surprise being that Clampers are wascally wabbits whose rough edges (they drink beer) might have sawed against the grain of the PC police at the Mercury News.

Right now it looks like the next few months of the campaign will be dominated with talk about the scandals at City Hall.  There’s certainly been a lot to talk about: the growth of City Hall lobbyists, decision-making going on behind closed doors, the garbage scandal with Norcal, City Hall cost over-runs, the Cisco phone contract at City Hall, gift giving, controversy about secret fundraising, and the censure and resignation of ex-councilman Terry Gregory and more.

The sale of Knight Ridder to McClatchy Newspapers (for $4.5 billion) is well documented this week in all the news media, including the Mercury News, which describes its own fate of being purchased on one day and then sold (by McClatchy) as soon as possible thereafter to the highest bidder. McClatchy is keeping some of the daily papers owned by Knight Ridder—the ones considered “cream of the crop”—and auctioning off the others—the ones that don’t make enough money (real money or the stock market kind).

Over a period of sixteen years, Cinequest, the San Jose film festival celebrating independent filmmaking, has quietly developed into the premier downtown cultural event. I say quietly because, unlike the current favorite of our evidently lowbrow city council, it doesn’t get a $4 million subsidy (although I am sure they would LOVE to have it), uproot trees and citizens, and disrupt downtown residents and workers for six weeks while they construct, then deconstruct, a racecourse and stands. And, unlike that other event calendar high point, Mardi Gras, it doesn’t attract even one single drunken, underage troublemaker bent on late-night destruction and mayhem.

The current issue of The Wave speaks of the impending doom of 16 palm trees on Park Avenue to provide a wider passing lane for the upcoming San Jose Grand Prix.  The relocation of the trees is not a done deal, but those opposed are being enslaved and relocated to Alviso to work on crawdad farms.

Mark the 25th of March on your calendar, PDA, or forearm. On that day, the Ancient and Honorable Order of E Clampus Vitus (ECV) will be in Alviso for a monument dedication, and everyone is invited, even Alvisophobes. The plaque will commemorate the port and town of Alviso. Yes, Alviso was a port, and though it was illegally subsumed into San Jose in 1968, it is for all practical purposes still a town, in appearance like a Mexican village (not counting a few rows of $700,000 townhouses).

Albinos have been sighted chasing cars on ominous Hicks Road. They have been seen lurking about in the woods above The Cats Restaurant in Los Gatos. And a large enclave of albinos frolics in the gorges of upper Alum Rock Park. Urban legends of flesh-eating albinos are not unique to San Jose. Google “albinos urban legend” and countless links from communities all over the world provide harrowing accounts of albinos emerging from the dark in search of human flesh or poodle meat.

Nine Events that Changed San Jose and Environs

From “the day the mayor killed the music” to the banning of parrots at art and wine festivals… read the list of events that changed the city.

Have your say…

Like the city planning document in “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe” that was kept in a locked basement and guarded by a leopard, some monuments in San Jose are hard to get at—or find. Within a half-mile radius of Plaza de Cesar E. Chavez Park is a giant bronze rendition of Tony Ridder’s running shoes, a statue of William McKinley, a memorial forum honoring Robert F. Kennedy, the actual cornerstone of the 1887 San Jose City Hall, and a Brobdingnagian statue of Thomas Fallon and the horse he rode in on.

Carping about there being “nothing to do” in San Jose is frivolous and without merit. There are a myriad of soul stirring adventures in San Jose. One need not travel to god-forsaken San Francisco for a culture fix. The following San Jose field trips will fill up one’s spiritual gas tank—assuming one has a soul.

It’s official.

To realize the glory of San Jose, including desolate downtown, try moving to Cocoa Beach, Florida, as I did last year.  I would give anything to be back in San Jose complaining about tumbleweeds tumbling across San Carlos, or watching children cavorting on the Quetzalcoatl Statue. Cocoa Beach has its attractions: the annual “I Dream of Jeannie Look-a-Like Contest,” and the world renowned Ron Jon Surf Shop. But that’s about it except for a pawn shop built to resemble a castle and painted orange. Not complaining. I like the beach. But I can’t stop thinking about San Jose with its odd charms and central location. I don’t think downtown San Jose really needs “saving,” but some judicious purchase of “wonders” would liven things up a bit.

Here is your opportunity to lead the discussion. Choose a topic and share your thoughts.

When Clint Eastwood as the Man With No Name would ride into town, he had no history.  He would be right at home in San Jose.  San Jose has become a city that may as well have no history because we continually forget what we have and, as they say, those who forget history are bound to repeat it. 

By Guest Blogger Jerry Estruth

Ross Perot would be surprised to know that the great sucking sound he’s hearing is not being caused by NAFTA but by the Great Power Vacuum that has created what I call the Black Hole of City Hall.