Will Manage Child Labor Production
A notorious rebel group controlling several diamond mines in the gem-rich region of Sierra Leone has made a unique decision to hire former Santa Clara County school chief Colleen Wilcox to run the adolescent stone production unit of the diamond mines.
“Production has slipped in recent years,” explained a spokesman for the Revolutionary United Front (RUF), a rebel army responsible for unspeakable acts of cruelty and human torture. “We think Ms. Wilcox will fit right in.”
Throughout the revolutionary-leaning and civil war-happy African regions, Ms. Wilcox’s reputation is renowned. Known to inspire an employee with a pinch of the buttock or an affinity for native dance, many African dictatorial leaders believe that she would be a perfect balance against the move toward human rights, child labor laws and ethical treatment of workers.
“We are in serious need of weapons to fund our revolutions,” said one guerilla leader. “We can’t do that with the United Nations mucking things up and championing labor laws.”
Unable to be reached by phone, Ms. Wilcox said through a spokesman that her first course of action will be to “work towards an affordable health plan for the skinny people of Africa.”