Partnership Could Give Legal Status to Thousands of Mustelids
In an unlikely partnership that has Ferrets Anonymous members grasping victory from the jaws of defeat, the South Bay Labor Council and the illegal ferret group have joined forces, setting a precedent that has other lobbying organizations redefining what it means to recruit.
The plan to make millions of undomesticated polecats union members comes on the heels of tough setbacks for both humans and animals: the Labor Council lost significant political influence with the recent council elections and the ferrets were recently placed below only Ron Gonzales and Brittany Spears as insignificant parts of our society.
“My hat’s off to them,” exclaimed Terry Christensen, chairman of the political think tank at SJSU. “Just when you think the Labor Council has been beaten, they pull off a coup.”
Pending legal approval from the Santa Clara County Department of Animal Control, the furry beasts would be given union cards allowing them to work, precinct walk and ultimately achieve their goal of becoming house pets.
Other lobbying organizations have followed suit. Silicon Valley Advisors, Saggau and DeRollo, and Strangis Properties have all applied for several hundred H1-B permits to recruit martens, badgers and minks respectively.
“Don’t underestimate the intelligence of these animals,” said labor leader Phaedra Ellis-Lamkins. “They’ve been running the Mexican Heritage Plaza for years now.”
Experts predict that with the addition of the abundant ferret population in the valley, the South Bay Labor Council will again wield control in city politics in the next election cycle.
“The nice thing about these critters is that they can be controlled if neutered,” said an animal control specialist who quickly added, “The ferrets, not the Labor Council.”