Not the Man I Knew

Chris Shimek and I grew up in the same neighborhood.  We played baseball together, attended the same neighborhood schools—but the thing we had most in common was we shared the same best friend.

The Chris I knew was outgoing, friendly, cheerful, and abhorred violence against women and children.  It is why he became a San Jose police officer.

Something happened to the Chris I knew on Sunday, November 27, when he took the life of his soon to be ex-wife and himself.

There is no question Chris was in severe emotional pain.  He called our mutual best friend, Bob White, a week ago.  There was no evidence from that call that violence was a possibility, let alone imminent.  Bob listened and assured Chris that he had a friend who was there for him.

Chris lived two doors down from Bob growing up.  Bob, a year older, was the closest thing Chris had to an older brother and confidante.  It was natural for him to make the call.  What was unnatural was the violence that ensued.

The couple had decided to split.  Lynn was actively pursuing another relationship, which Chris was unhappy about but fully aware.  They stayed in the house together for financial reasons.  Chris was worried about the effects of the break-up on his kids, his financial future and, yes, he still professed to “love” his ex-wife.  He was depressed regarding his wife’s infidelity, but expressed no anger indicating violence.  It was a matter of fact kind of unburdening.

They agreed to talk again in the near future.  Bob, as is his nature, was there for his friend anytime he needed.

Then the unthinkable occurred.  Left wondering in the wake of the tragedy are family and friends.  The incident does not appear premeditated, as no one plans to physically “strangle” their victim.  But the result is the same.

The kid with whom I played baseball, who dedicated the majority of his life to protecting others, the varsity wrestler who came from an outstanding home with wonderful parents and sisters had done the unfathomable.

Depression is a disease that can have fatal consequences.  For many, Chris’s last actions are those for which he will be most remembered and condemned.  But for those of us who knew him, his last hours of life do not reflect the man we knew.

Thus depression becomes a contagion and the unavoidable, unanswerable questions will forever remain a pain that can never fully be healed.

Rich Robinson is an attorney and political consultant in Silicon Valley.

45 Comments

  1. Thank you for writing this article. That is also not the man I knew, and at times worked for. Chris’ final actions cannot be justfied; however, the media at large has chosen to leave out the pertinent fact of his wife’s infidelity. My heart goes out to the Shimek family…

  2. Rich,
    I am deeply sorry for your loss. I am sorry for the victim’s sons, their family, and friends. This is a tragic situation for everyone concerned, and we as a community need to learn from this situation.

    I don’t believe there weren’t any warning signs that this Officer was in need of help. In 2007, this Police Officer hit his son in a fit of rage. Because he was a Police Officer, he should have received counseling, and been monitored carefully. Police Officers endure immense stress on the job and often times suffer from PTS. Given the stress they are under from pay cuts, and bad press, they need our support now more than ever.

    On another note, I have read about his wife’s supposed infidelity. If the marriage was over, she had a right to be in a new relationship without being murdered for choosing to move on with her life. Clearly there were problems that were either ignored or missed by friends and family.

    I must confess that it offends me that yet another murder victim is being made to look bad, and it further demonstrates how we as a society scapegoat victims rather than deal with the truth of a situation. I understand how easy it is to love someone, hurt for them, and want to blame others for their pain, but the reality is this Police Officer murdered this woman because he wanted total control over her life. When he couldn’t get it, he killed her leaving behind two young sons who have to live with his actions. These two young boys will always blame themselves for their mother’s death, and will replay over and over again in their heads, what they should have done differently that day. The reality here is that his selfish act has devastated the lives of two innocent victims forever.

    This tragedy is a perfect example of how domestic violence affects us all, and how we as a community need to educate ourselves on the dangers of it. Victims of domestic violence need to understand that there is no shame in asking for help, and Police Officers need to reach out and get help when they are in trouble because the consequences of not getting help are devastating to everyone.

    • It was never my intention to disparage Lynn or any victim of domestic violence.  Nor is this an article intended to absolve. 

      It is simply a reflection on the man I knew and the utter incompressible events that transpired because of the depression he suffered. 

      I fully support the call for education regarding DV and have long supported services for those victims.  Violence is never the answer, there are no good reasons for hurting a spouse, child or loved one.

    • No disparagement of Lynn or absolution for Chris is intended or offered.

      Voilence is never the answer against a spouse, child, significant other or a stranger.  I fully support education for DV and support services for victims of violence.

      Depression is also a disease—which can be fatal and contagious.  There is no answer other than Chris should have walked away.  That he didn’t haunts all of us who knew him.

      • Rich,
        Thank you for your clarification, and for your support in educating our community on the affects of domestic violence on our community. It is so important to me that people learn from the situation rather than judge these two victims. We need to support both of these families and strive to help others in this situation.

        My frustration lies in how this story is being treated by the media. Rather than trying to educate the public on domestic violence, and posting resources for families in trouble, or our electeds working to create a refinance program for our public servants so they don’t lose their homes due to economic hardship, they have turned this into a story of juicy scandal and gossip.

        They have been sure to include Lynn’s new relationship in every article I’ve read because it sells papers, or draws viewers. The media has also been sure to include Chris’s obsession with Lynn by disclosing him placing a tracking devise in her car, and pulling her phone records. At no time have the real issues been addressed to ensure this never happens again.

        Vital issues like why our Police Departments aren’t providing emotional/financial support options to assist Officers loosing their homes due to pay cuts, or offering counseling services to Officers whose marriages are in trouble?

        Our Police Officers are trained to protect, and kill when necessary, and never to show weakness or vulnerability. We have one of the highest suicide rates in our PD. Why isn’t that vital issue being addressed? The list of problems that need to be addressed to prevent this from happening again is endless, and I personally think this is the time to do something to correct it.

        And finally, I do understand your dismay at the actions your friend took. We’ve all had a friend who has done something we don’t agree with or has shocked us. But in the end and at the end of the day, we love them any way because friendship is about unconditional love and acceptance.  Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss.

      • Rich,
        I’m very sorry for your loss. You said, “Depression is also a disease—which can be fatal and contagious.” I think you make an important point here. Depression is a very important part of this story left untold. If Chris was getting help for his depression, may be he would have made better choices in how to deal with his financial and marital problems.

  3. To the first commenter above: LYNN’S INFIDELITY IS NOT A “PERTINENT FACT” IN REGARDS TO HER MURDER. Absolutely nothing justifies or mitigates the atrocity of her death at the hand of another. How dare you even hint at the possibility that “she deserved it because she was seeing someone else.” (Besides, the couple had already decided to split.)

  4. you play with fire, you get burned…… of course its a pertinent fact, in the real world.

  5. Chris & Lynn,
        May your souls now rest in Peace.  May god give your children answers through everyday activities the love you shared for them.  Chris, may the Officers who knew you, try to find some peace with the Anger for taking a young womans life.  She was after all, a daughter, mother and had friends as well.  I as an officer wished I knew you better and could identify signs of what you were going through.  The Department, your family, her family will never heal from this event.  We are Sworn to Protect. A noble calling.  This was a violation of the code.

  6. Her infidelity absolutly matters. Does it just justify her murder , absolutely NOT. I feel for the children , my heart goes out to them and rest of the family

    • really,
      There was no infidelity. This couple was seperated. He refused to accept Lynn wanting to move on with her life and killed her as a final act of control.

      • “Separated”, that makes everything ok.  I guess they just jumped over a broom to get married too.  If you don’t believe in waiting until a marriage is annulled or you are divorced before you cat around, I guess the initial marriage didn’t mean much either.  Does it condone murder?  Not a chance in hell.  But saying that just because they were “separated” is equivalent to being single is a crock.

        • Oh sure,
          You seem to have a one track mind that is focused on Lynn’s choice to date someone else while they were separated and heading for divorce. They lived in the same house due to financial hardship not because they were trying to work things out.

          You keep saying he didn’t have the right to murder her and in the same breath accuse Lynn of deserving what she got because you are judging her based on your beliefs of what is right and wrong.

          If you read everything on this case you’d know that the marriage was in trouble for a long time. He put a tracking device in her car, pulled her phone records, hit her son in a fit of rage, and was losing his home. He had a history of violence. Who would stay in a marriage like that?

          The guy was obviously stressed and depressed and killed his wife out of desperation. He strangled her to death after sending their sons to In and Out Burger. Imagine what those kids are going through while you are on a public blog accusing their Mother of being unfaithful, and a terrible person for wanting out of a violent marriage.

          You can believe what you want but I don’t agree with a word you’ve said.

        • I agree that she didn’t deserve to be murdered even if she was unfaithful.  But these folks have a point that you can’t just waive away the infidelity as if it wasn’t a factor.  Clearly he was so very wrong in what he did but I also think perhaps she might have stopped to think what was in the cards if this man had the track record that everybody claims he did.

        • That your name is “Christian” but you have no concept of the generally accepted definition of the bonds of marriage. As soon as one party decides they aren’t in love anymore, start sleeping around to your heart’s content. Apparently contracts are made to be broken and mean nothing to you. Wait a minute, is this Chuck Reed using a nom de plume?

  7. Christian,

    You ask, “how can it be construed as infidelity?” Well, the fact that you can ask that question makes it clear that by your reckoning it doesn’t qualify. But you are just one person possessing one particular perspective, and what is important—critically, it should be pointed out, is that your perspective was not a factor in this tragedy. The person whose perspective did matter was the brokenhearted husband, and it seem obvious (given his actions) that his perspective was different than yours.

    And that’s the crux of my point: you arrived at your conclusion based on a thoughtful consideration of the situation, influenced by your values, temperament, understanding of the law, and sense of justice. Yours is an opinion produced by a brain operating on reason; but we know—from history, biology, and personal experience—that a brain hijacked by the emotions functions quite differently, processing information with a heat and fury that can, given sufficient fuel, leave the most reasonable of us in a savage state.

    Can any sane person really doubt how this man’s brain was processing his wife’s infidelity that day? “Separated but living in the same house” is an absurdity that’s hard enough to frame using a stable brain, let alone using one captivated by anger, anguish, and a sense of betrayal. What “she wanted,” supposedly to move on with her life, was perceived by him not as her decision to make but as a tearing at his very soul.

    This woman came to believe something that no Stone Age woman would’ve ever believed, that being that it could ever be safe to confront her man after she’d mated with another. Of course our ancestral mothers never took a course on women’s rights, never confused a piece of paper for real protection, never forgot the ugly side of the heat of passion. Those wise women of yore didn’t know much about breaking glass ceilings, but they understood men.

    Lastly, you used the term “justifies.” Once again, we’re not talking about justice or any other philosophical theory here; we’re talking about what can happen in a relationship between humans, and the more we delude ourselves into seeing this as a great mystery the more we doom others into making risky assumptions.

    • BS Monitor,

      I agree with you that Chris was not in a frame of mind that allowed him to make healthy decisions on how to handle the situation. I can see that dealing with the loss of his home, family, and wife skewed his ability to make better decisions. Chris needed help from family, friends, the PD, and a professional to deal with the many problems he faced, but due to depression, and a sense of shame/pride he chose not to reach out.

      We all know that police officers are taught to control situations and not to show weakness. Our PD has one of the highest suicide rates in this country and that is something we need to look at changing.  Also, we know that domestic violence victims stay in dangerous situations because they have no money, or nowhere else to go. (DV programs and resources have been cut to the bone. They receive thousands of calls and can’t keep up with demand.) These are the issues we need to focus on not who in this troubled relationship was at fault.

      I think the way you are going at this in your posts is turning people off. You make good points but they get lost in the heartless way you are presenting them. Comparing this situation to the Stone Age and women keeping their mouths shut and taking what they get leaves a sour taste in my mouth, even though I get the point you are trying to make. Try coming at this in a different way. You could start by dropping the emotional, brainless women stuff, and focusing on the topic of DV and how to prevent it so this doesn’t happen again. 

      BTW- I love a strong woman. I admire their spirit and their ability to be a partner who can share the load. It takes a strong man to be with a strong woman, and while it isn’t always easy to share control, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

      • Actually SJPD has a relatively low suicide rate. Look at CHP sometime. Look back east, their numbers are staggering. SJPD does a great job ok keeping their officers grounded, supported and healthy. Hence, their numbers are very low.

        • What the?
          “Actually SJPD has a relatively low suicide rate.”

          According to the articles printed by the media on the most recent suicide of an SJPD Police Officer, we have a high rate of suicide in SJ.

          “SJPD does a great job ok keeping their officers grounded, supported and healthy.”

          I don’t agree with that. The morale of Officers in the SJPD is in at an all time low.

          “Look back east, their numbers are staggering.” True.

  8. Leave the murdered woman’s infidelity out of this story and in all likelihood there’d have been no murder, and thus, no story. I’m not sure I understand all the shock and disbelief: for a disloyal spouse to pay the ultimate price for infidelity is nothing new, it’s a story as old as storytelling. That the biggest fools in this corroded society are so quick to envelope such risky behavior with a thick fog of politicized, sociological nonsense changes not a thing. Infidelity causes outrage, and outraged humans sometimes commit violence. Those who would equate this woman’s behavior with the exercise of individual choice are overlooking the crucial point: she surrendered the ability to make choices unencumbered when she joined her husband in marriage.

    Was there a part of her wedding vows she did not understand? The evidence suggests she certainly knew that what she was doing was wrong, could hurt her husband and family, and expose her to huge consequences, otherwise she wouldn’t have been sneaking around to do it. That she took a gamble is beyond dispute, that she misread the stakes is now a headline.

    And lets not hear any nonsense about her rights. That’s the kind of stupidity women will hear from their supposed friends (the ones thrilled to be in on another’s drama). Rights are granted by gods and governments; there are no rights in relationships, only behaviors and consequences. Cheat-on and dump a spouse and one can only guess at the consequences. Maybe the discarded husband puts his tail between his legs and lives out his life in defeat; maybe the broken-hearted wife finds her way to new happiness; or maybe something really bad happens.

    The lessons from this story are simple: relationships are risky and emotions unknowable, so do the right thing—even when things are going bad. There’s more safety to be had in decency and distance than in any court order. And never, ever get into overlapping relationships and delude yourself that you’re in control.

    • BS Monitor,
      They were separated so how could it be construed as infidelity? They were separated and living in the same house for financial reasons. The problem is that he wanted to stay married and she didn’t. She wanted to move on with her life.  I can understand how hard that was for him to accept but that in no way justifies murdering her.

  9. Kath/Christian I totally agree with you. Women in 2011 America should be able to have their cake and eat it too! I mean seriously we aren’t a Radical Islamic Caliphate yet!

  10. BS,
        I have always enjoyed your writing and suport for public safety.  Take a step back on this one.  We have a loss of two lives.  People with Children trying to understand.  Stick to the public safety sector.  Thanks

    • Interesting take on BS Monitor. Please enlighten us on exactly what regarding this tragedy is not public safety related?

      Do you think that the “public safety” workers (primarily the Gilroy Polce Department or Chris’s former employer the San Jose Police Department)ignored any of the details being presented in the media including this blog becaseu they were not germaine? I think anyone would agree that investigators would be remiss if they did not take the “WHYs” into account.

    • BS Monitor is right, this isn’t the forum to be clutching each other and seeking human comfort.  This is a quasi-public forum sponsored by a media outlet designed to provide a large cross-section of the public a chance to opine.  Since when did this become a support group for survivors of (pick your affliction)?  If anybody is so emotionally wrapped up reading comments about this tragedy on the Internet, I suggest they simply deploy the off button on their computer or refrain from coming to this site.

  11. My husband thought I was his property, until he found a replacement. Then he thru me under the bus, even though I was forever faithful, in spite of the fact that he was never faithful to me. But what the heck. Marriage vows don’t mean anything unless you are talking about a man..

  12. Kathleen,

    I apologize if something I wrote misled you: it was not my intent to deliver comforting words to the surviving families. First of all, I don’t assume to know how to comfort people whose lives have been devastated by a tragedy of this magnitude; and second, SJI is not the forum for such an effort. As for the lack of emotion in my posts, it was intentional. This was a tragedy driven by emotion, one in which reason and sanity were set aside, and nothing can be learned by maintaining an emotional posture.

    Though I have considerable respect for you and much of the work you do, the emotions that you so frequently display on this site remind me of why the founders of this nation, intellectual giants of their day, deprived females access to the ballot box.  To be blunt, your emotions wreak havoc on your brain. Examine the accusations you make in your post. I wrote no “diatribe” against the murder victim. I never suggested that her infidelity, or decision to move on with her life, justified her husband strangling her. Instead, what I opined was that those two factors, which her husband bemoaned to friends and coworkers—and from which he gave no indication of coming to grips with, must be considered as primary factors when trying to comprehend this tragedy. (Unless your privy to something no one else has ever suggested, your questioning of the husband’s fidelity reeks of desperation.)

    Would you rather learn nothing about such incidents and remain ignorant in service to your ridiculous notion equating political rights with a woman’s freedom to do as she pleases? Do you have some desire to prop up the false notion that a woman’s legal rights will protect her from murder? Wouldn’t it be better if everyone, men and women, understood that infidelity is always dangerous? Just because my perspective makes you see red doesn’t make me wrong. I base my opinions on experience and study, and anyone who knows anything about domestic violence understands the connection between infidelity and homicide, just as anyone who knows anything about homicide understands the nexus between strangulation and feelings of disgust and/or betrayal. 

    Ask any of your cop friends how many times they have, after advising a woman in danger of domestic violence to go into hiding, their sage advice was met with an angry, “Why should I have to leave?”—a response they’d never get were the woman imperiled by an escaped lion. But, of course, women don’t feel obligated to defend their rights against escaped lions, but they damn sure do their rights in their relationships with men, including, by the way, the right to make a fatal mistake in judgment.

    • BS Monitor,
      You say, “Ask any of your cop friends how many times they have, after advising a woman in danger of domestic violence to go into hiding, their sage advice was met with an angry, “Why should I have to leave?”—a response they’d never get were the woman imperiled by an escaped lion. But, of course, women don’t feel obligated to defend their rights against escaped lions, but they damn sure do their rights in their relationships with men, including, by the way, the right to make a fatal mistake in judgment.”

      Who is being emotional here? Perhaps understanding that standing still when a lion is charging at you WILL save your life. Running from an angry lion ensures your demise! But we aren’t talking about lions here are we? We are talking about human beings. 

      As to talking to my “cop friends,” I have, and your posts offend them all. They agree with me that you are way off base here, and find your commentary to be a bad reflection on Police Officers who understand that murdering someone you can’t control in a relationship is against everything they are taught in Police training.

      Further, I have been told about a very different side of Chris that I will not disclose out of respect for him and his family. Knowing what I know, I still feel no compulsion to judge him for being so emotionally distraught. He was a victim of society’s lesson that a real man doesn’t ask for help, and a Police Officer should not show any sign of weakness. 

      Having said that, I will say again that your contempt for women always shines through in your posts. You continually accuse me of allowing my brain and heart to enter into my decision making process, as though that is a bad thing!

      One of the reasons I am so successful in my work is because I am able to see all sides of an issue, value everyone’s feelings, and opinions in a given situation, do plenty of research BEFORE forming my opinions, and use facts to support my opinions, something you seem to fail to do.

      In closing, I want to address your point that Lynn should have known better than to tell her abusive husband that she wanted to leave, and was seeing someone else. First of all, you are blaming Lynn for acting like an adult who felt the need to be honest with her husband, for trusting him enough to understand that the troubled marriage was over, and that she had chosen to move on.  Secondly, you have completely chosen to ignore the facts. He was stalking her, had a violent history, they were separated and living in the same house out of financial need, and he was tracking her every move. Those are all FACTS that seem to escape you.

      How indeed could she have “gone into hiding,” if she were broke with nowhere else to go?  Lynn’s situation exemplifies EXACTLY why so many women stay in dangerous situations. And that BS is what needs to be examined here, NOT whether she was right or wrong to stay.  If you look at how many DV programs have been cut, how many resources for DV victims have been cut, DV shelters are unable to handle the demands being made on them, and the fact that seeking help is seen as something to be ashamed of, and reflects weakness, then may be I’d respect your commentary on this topic. But you of course have chosen to bash Lynn, not try and understand her decision making process, or her difficulty in getting out of the house once she decided to leave. BS, I think even you must admit that telling a DV victim to go into hiding, when there is nowhere to go to hide is at best, asinine!

    • I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Where were all the would be Romeo’s when this woman needed them? None were willing to open their homes/finances to her and her son(s) to help her get away from the guy who was footing the bill for her “lifestyle.” She was a victim no doubt but her husband was not the only one with culpbility here.

      What about her support network in the roller derby/facepainting/scrap book world who claim to know so much about what was going on in her home? Reading between the lines in their collective story I think it is safe to say they were aiding and abeiting what was ultimatley her choice to stray but not offering any alternatives to her who had to go home to what they claim was a long term abusive relationship – Mentally abusive if anything as there is NO EVIDENCE of physical abuse against her prior to Sunday.  And please the lone known incident vs the stepson occured in 2006 (5 years ago) when the man who is 19 now was 14!

      Counciling? it was on going but as they say: it takes two. This couples daliance with professional counciling was recent and given what is known about the legnth of their problems too little too late – she wanted out but was in no poistion to leave – again where where her friends and suitors?

      To deny any of this is to deny the truth. It is a deeply emotional subject but the TRUTH cannot be erased by emotion.  The best thing that could happen here is that the entirety of the circumstances that lead to this tragedy are examined and that we all learn from them rather than turn this into some Lifetime Network tear-jerker.

  13. BS Monitor,
    It must be nice to stand at a cold unemotional distance and make statements like this. I’m sure your loving, kind words will bring much comfort to the families who have lost two loved ones in such a violent way.

    You claim to be able to judge the facts from a purely unemotional, factual point of view yet you note nothing about the facts in your diatribe against this murder victim. The reality is simply this, you have no idea whether Chris was faithful to Lynn, the reasons she wanted out of the marriage in the first place, or what actually happened to bring him to the point of madness.

    If you are going to continue to post such historic conjectures on male female relationships, and indeed that is all they are, remember that they are simply a product of your own perspectives, and your own judgments of how our ancestors behaved toward one another. The reality is that no one can form an opinion on anything without emotion, personal experience, and up bringing. 

    Your commentary on this topic simply shows me that your attempt at trying to stand back and judge things as from a purely analytical point of view has failed miserably. Your contempt for the murder victim for choosing to move on with her life is glaringly obvious. I feel very sorry for you because you seem incapable of having compassion for two people who died so tragically. And yes BS, I say that from an emotional place because you just don’t get that people need support at times like this, not judgment.

  14. Kathleen,

    First you condemn me for my absence of emotion, then you accuse me—using a ridiculous example, by the way—of being emotional. To be honest, I’d like to be really upset at your accusation, but that would be irrational.

    Thank you for informing me that I’ve offended all your cop friends who are against murder. Given that I’ve said nothing in defense of murder, I’ll just chalk this apparent misunderstanding up to either my poor writing skills, their poor reading comprehension, or your continued confusion.

    I see you’ve elevated the murderer to a victim, attributing his actions to society’s lessons about what real men should do and how police officers should act. Since I’m not familiar with the alleged lessons, and consider them a less likely rage-trigger than his wife’s infidelity, I think I’ll remain unswayed.

    The moral code that allows you to praise as honest and mature a woman who admits to her husband that she’s been unfaithful and wants to leave him is well beyond me. You applaud her for “trusting him enough to understand.” I don’t know what planet you were on when you learned that, but I know it’s one I’ve never visited.

    I’m not aware of the violent history you attribute to this man, but if it’s based on his tuning up his teenage stepson five years ago, your conclusion can only be viewed as the result of hysteria. Teenage boys have been sending their fathers into violent rages for as long as there’ve been teenage boys. Get a grip, you’re coming off like a basket-case.

    As for his stalking her, I’ll chalk that up to the fact that she was giving him reason to suspect she was doing something she wasn’t supposed to. He apparently wanted the truth. She apparently, wasn’t giving it to him. I only wish he could’ve found a way to dump her back then.

    That she didn’t go into hiding was not the fault of the state. The state isn’t daddy. Telling a person whose life is in danger to go into hiding is never asinine. That you seem so certain she had nowhere to go suggests you think she was without supportive family or friends. If that’s true, that’s both remarkable and sad. People of decent character always have resources. You might want to reconsider.

    Lastly, you seem convinced that I’ve “bashed” the murder victim. I have not. The woman was, by every measure not invented by woman-can-do-no-wrong morons, unfaithful to her husband. All I have done was to reveal that I consider her infidelity to have been a pivotal factor in the tragedy. That is a reasonable position, no doubt one included in the official police investigation.

    • This is one of the few things we agree on BSM… Had an earlier comment where I called Chris a “coward” that didn’t make it through Josh’s moderation powers (though, the comments following seem way harsher josh)

      Kathleen,  Chris and his ex put themselves in this situation.  If my wife wanted to leave me, I’d get the hell out.  I’ve seen “Indecent proposal” enough times (even did a report on it in college) to know that a “vanilla” couple (meaning, no freaky BDSM, DP, stuff) just can’t handle the emotional rigors of knowing the ex-love they covet so much is with another person.

      Chris was a coward plain and simple.  He was afraid of his wife being out of his life forever, so he lingered in the house.  He was afraid of his wife being with another man, so he killed her.  Finally, he was afraid to face up to his colleagues and the community for the shameful act he did, so he did the most selfish, cowardly thing he could and killed himself.

      The fact he was a cop is a moot point.  Sure we say “our peace officers must hold themselves to a higher standard of morality than the average citizen” but at the end of the day, they’re just banana throwing monkeys like the rest of us.

      BSM again, thanks for cutting through the BS with your Occams razor.

      • Robert,
        I disagree that this took place based solely on the supposed “infidelity.” I think that many factors played a part in this situation. Losing your home, receiving pay cuts, losing your family, and your marriage are immense loses. Just one of those things alone drives people to depression. Put all of them together and you have a real bad situation for just one person to handle.

        I know you to be a loving father, and husband, and I think you are basing your belief that everyone would do as you would do. God how I wish that were true, but when someone is suffering from depression, they aren’t thinking in a rational manner.

        • Thanks for the great idea Robert. Setting up a fund is a great idea.

          I feel for the family and the children too. I can’t imagine the devestation they are going through. It is such a sad situation.

        • I disagree that this took place based solely on the supposed “infidelity.”

          I was more or less saying, that was the straw that broke the camels back.  I’m not saying it was infidelity either.  Obviously they had legally divorced.

          What I said was (same as last time) was that they put themselves in that situation. 

          >I know you to be a loving father, and husband, and I think you are basing your belief that everyone would do as you would do.

          Yah, my oldest is rocking school.  She just made “Student of the month”

          It’s not solely on what I would do Kathleen, it’s what 99% of non-murderous civilized citizens would do.  Cop or no cop, most who are under the same circumstances everyday, do not commit murder.  Tune into Jerry Springer, it’s a whole assembly line of people in just as bad, if not worse situations.

          It just seems to me that there are many on this thread responding with, “Oh, the guy murdered his wife and committed suicide because he was depressed”  Does that really change the outcome?  Does being depressed suddenly become a “get out of jail free!” card?  Is it like the insanity plea, we don’t have to be responsible for our own actions because of some psychological affliction?

          Doesn’t make what this guy did any less heinous. I seriously feel for those kids.  Maybe we can get in touch with the POA to setup some sort of donation fund for these kids.

    • BS,
      I think we will have to agree to disagree on ALL of this. You have twisted many of the things I’ve said out of context because you have formed a false perception of what I said/mean. Next time you might try asking before assuming what I mean by what I post. It will help in lessoning the confusion you have.

      In reflecting on what you have written, I’d venture to say all is not lost. I think in your own misguided way, you are trying to help women by telling them not to put themselves in danger when living with a “mentally irrational” person. I think that is a valid point. I also agree that it is sad that friends and family chose not to get more involved and offer support to Chris and Lynn, but we live in a country filed with a mentality of “I don’t want to get involved!”

      And finally, your perception of “infidelity,” and mine differs greatly. In my opinion, when a couple has separated, and are heading for divorce, they both have the right to move on with their lives.

      Secondly, for you to place the blame solely on Lynn’s supposed “infidelity, especially after his own friends have acknowledged he was suffering from depression, loss of his home, and financial difficulties is definitely a reflection of how little you have looked into the facts before posting your opinions. In my opinion, your belief that her “infidelity” was the sole cause for her being murdered lacks in fact, and shows me that you have focused your opinion on an issue that is irrelevant to what needs to be done to prevent this in the future.

      Two people are dead, a family is suffering, and that is all I am concerned with. My hope is that as a community we will learn from this and make changes needed so that this doesn’t happen again.

  15. Meyer Weed,
    You asked,” What are we supposed to “learn” when we look at this tragedy in such sterile summation?” No one on here has looked at this in a “sterile summation.” As matter of fact I think all the issues we know about this case have been discussed.

    In answer to your question, “What are we supposed to “learn”, we are supposed to learn that domestic violence doesn’t discriminate, and that it affects us all. When you have a friend or family member in trouble, reach out and get them help, be a support system for them, listen when they need to talk, and open your home as a refuge, if necessary. And as BS has so aptly pointed out, don’t try and reason with a crazy person. Get out and get help.

    • “What are we supposed to “learn”

      Not to post comments about events that you know little to nothing about except what you read in a news report.  So few people posting on this board know the real truth behind the event and even fewer really know the players so 99% of everything here is just supposition and feel good venting.

  16. “…Two people are dead, a family is suffering, and that is all I am concerned with….”

    What are we supposed to “learn” when we look at this tragedy in such sterile summation?

    “…My hope is that as a community we will learn from this and make changes needed so that this doesn’t happen again….”

    With out looking at the totality of the circumstances that lead to this all we would know is:

    “Man kills wife then kills himself. Family and friends are grieving and wondering why. The End.”